im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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