I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
