apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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