Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
