Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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