Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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