She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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