I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
