are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
