He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
