we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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