Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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