i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
