I accidentally had phone sex last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
