Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
