peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
