Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
