Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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