he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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