I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im about as happy as oj after his trial
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
