WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
