I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
