I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
