Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
