god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
barbara walters just said penis...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
