im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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