If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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