I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
