Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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