Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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