You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
