so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
