what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
