I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
