Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
