in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize