And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
