Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
