i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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