someone threw a dead crab at me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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