no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
