My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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