Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
