I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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