how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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