I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
