i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
