dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize