Im at strip club and am horny
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
