i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
