Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
