I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
