Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
