why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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