You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I believe in your delicious
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
