R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I will die if light touches me.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
