look no pants
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The Olympian is in my bed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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