That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
