maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
