my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
