I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
