you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
