Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
