I just saw a hot homeless man
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
