You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
