you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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