I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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