Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
