Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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