I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
