haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
