what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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