think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
