Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
