they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
